Spread Light Not Spite

Spite is a small word with a heavy meaning. It means that someone is doing something intentionally to bring harm, offense or irritation to you. Now, I choose to write this blog about spite because it was recently done to me and it has come up in some of my latest sessions with clients.

When it happened to me it was very unexpected because it came from someone I considered a close friend. It hurt so bad and made me very upset to the point that I was shaking. This person took a private conversation between the 2 of us and used it in a business meeting to ensure I, nor others, had a say in certain things in the company. I say this was out of spite because the last thing I said to the person is, “It will be up to the group.” So, this person made assignments for each member and in essence took the vote away from the group and placed it in their hands alone. Simply out of spite towards me. In my profession, I try to see things from all angles, even when it happens to me. Maybe this person thought they were protecting themselves. Maybe they didn’t realize the consequences of their actions or didn’t care. Maybe this business venture and control meant more to them than our friendship. Maybe, just maybe, they thought I was not going to realize what they were doing. They were being down right spiteful.

When it comes to some of my clients and spite, I am normally explaining to them why ‘getting back’ at someone is not the best way to do things. Some of my clients try to rationalize it by saying it will teach the other person a lesson or make the other person feel how they feel or even just to get attention, good or bad, from the other person. Most of these clients want to turn that spite towards their partner. My response to that is, “If you care for them, why would you intentionally hurt them?” It means, you thought about what you wanted to do and how it was going to hurt the other person. Again, you don’t do this to a person you care about. Now, if you have the desire to be spiteful, think about your reason behind it. Just know, in the end, it is not worth it. It is not worth your integrity, your guilt and how you see yourself. You probably will not even obtain the outcome you were looking for.

Instead, find ways to spread Light. You do this by first taking care of yourself and putting those negative feelings in check. Fill yourself with self-love and positive thoughts. Those positive thoughts will turn into positive actions. The light you have on the inside will be seen and felt by others and give them positive feelings. You may even be able to garner an apology or something from the person that was being spiteful to you, if not, that’s okay because that is not your goal. Your goal is to find and spread your light. If you need assistance finding your light, check my website for updates and my new book, Finding Your Flow, a Butterfly’s Secret to Happiness.

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Adrienne Charleston: Counseling and Coaching

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